Well....

I dont know why I try so hard. I guess I am holding onto something that just isnt there anymore. The kids had a nice visit with their dad. I felt completely ignored, kinda like the third wheel on a bicycle. I dont know maybe I shoudl just give up, let go and move on. I really truly dont know. I dont want to be divorced again, I dont want to be alone (even though truly I am already). I dont want my kids to come from a broken home. But all things are leading to this. I thought when we got married that for better or worse meant just that. I thought we would always be able to work anything out. I guess I was wrong and my high hopes for wedded bliss have crashed and burned around me. I am sad for the life that I have lost. So much loss for myself in the past two months, too much. But I will survive because I am a survivor and thats what we do. I just need to make sure my kids are happy and well adjusted, that is what is important to me now. If I could drink I would open a bottle of wine a toast to myself, being alone once again.